September 8, 2011

I'll never be the same again

Hello my friends.
It is I, Bonnie.
I am a changed person.

I am trying to get a grip.
5:00 am this morning I heard a sound.
I checked the hallway...nothing.
I looked downstairs...nothing.
I went back to bed.

Ok, let's rewind a minute here.
My 9 year old son came into our room at about 4:45 am.
He told us he heard noises.
Ok, it's nothing, go to sleep.
He stayed in our bed for a little while.

This is not too unusual...
He is usually telling us there might be an alien outside his window.
What if Big Foot is real.
and the latest...
Apocalyptic zombies might really exist.
So...this is par for the course around here.

Ok, back to the story.

I heard a crinkle of a plastic grocery bag.
Turned on the light....checked the bag...nothing.
Turned off the light.

Heard a bump on the wall.
Turned on the light...nothing.

Wait...not nothing!!!!

A bat is flying around my room!"

Holy Crap!

I scream "It's a bat!"

My husband hops out of bed.
He says "stay calm, stay calm."

I get down on the floor and cover my head with the blanket.
Sure enough the damn thing LANDS ON THE BLANKET ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD!

I say "I think he landed on me! I think he landed on me!"

My husband comes around the side of the bed...


He can't see a thing without his glasses!
He goes back around the bed to get his glasses.

I can hear my 9 year old son saying
"Oh! Hi bat! Awesome! Hey bat! That's cool!"

I then see my hubby coming towards me with a T-shirt.
He says "Don't move, don't move, don't move."
He throws the T-shirt over the bat..
the bat screeches in my ear!!!!!!!!!!!
Not a sound I ever planned on hearing in my lifetime!
More of "don't move, don't move."

I can't take it any longer!
I wriggle out from under the blanket...
I try to stand and run, but sorta stumble to the floor.
I proceed to crawl and and basically scratch and claw my way
to the bathroom looking exactly like someone in a horror movie
trying to escape the masked chain saw murderer!

I make my way to the bathroom on all fours and close the door.
I do not move from that spot.

I am in the dark, on the floor, eyes wide as saucers!

Hubby folds bat up inside blanket, takes blanket downstairs and throws it outside.

Bat flies away into the darkness.

Hubby comes back upstairs into bathroom to console me.
I ask him several questions...none of which I can even remember right now.

He says "I'm sorry, but I'm trying so hard not to laugh, but I can't help it!"
He starts to laugh but tries not to.

I am not offended by his laughter.
My hubby loves me so much, but he is not easily shaken.
He knows I am a spazz.

Hubby continues to console me and eventually we go back to bed.
I don't sleep.
I cry a little...
and think...a bat landed on me.


Did I really have to go through that?

I keep asking God..
"God, why did the bat have to land on me?"
"What are you trying to teach me?"

P.S. No animals were harmed in the horrifying-ness of this situation!
My hubby even said he tried to be delicate while folding the blanket over the bat so it's wings did not get damaged.

P.S.S. No one was bit by the one was hurt...thank goodness!
And my 9 year old son had an awesome story to tell at school!