September 8, 2011

I'll never be the same again

Hello my friends.
It is I, Bonnie.
I am a changed person.

I am trying to get a grip.
5:00 am this morning I heard a sound.
I checked the hallway...nothing.
I looked downstairs...nothing.
I went back to bed.

Ok, let's rewind a minute here.
My 9 year old son came into our room at about 4:45 am.
He told us he heard noises.
Ok, it's nothing, go to sleep.
He stayed in our bed for a little while.

This is not too unusual...
He is usually telling us there might be an alien outside his window.
What if Big Foot is real.
and the latest...
Apocalyptic zombies might really exist.
So...this is par for the course around here.

Ok, back to the story.

I heard a crinkle of a plastic grocery bag.
Turned on the light....checked the bag...nothing.
Turned off the light.

Heard a bump on the wall.
Turned on the light...nothing.

Wait...not nothing!!!!

A bat is flying around my room!"

Holy Crap!

I scream "It's a bat!"

My husband hops out of bed.
He says "stay calm, stay calm."

I get down on the floor and cover my head with the blanket.
Sure enough the damn thing LANDS ON THE BLANKET ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD!

I say "I think he landed on me! I think he landed on me!"

My husband comes around the side of the bed...


He can't see a thing without his glasses!
He goes back around the bed to get his glasses.

I can hear my 9 year old son saying
"Oh! Hi bat! Awesome! Hey bat! That's cool!"

I then see my hubby coming towards me with a T-shirt.
He says "Don't move, don't move, don't move."
He throws the T-shirt over the bat..
the bat screeches in my ear!!!!!!!!!!!
Not a sound I ever planned on hearing in my lifetime!
More of "don't move, don't move."

I can't take it any longer!
I wriggle out from under the blanket...
I try to stand and run, but sorta stumble to the floor.
I proceed to crawl and and basically scratch and claw my way
to the bathroom looking exactly like someone in a horror movie
trying to escape the masked chain saw murderer!

I make my way to the bathroom on all fours and close the door.
I do not move from that spot.

I am in the dark, on the floor, eyes wide as saucers!

Hubby folds bat up inside blanket, takes blanket downstairs and throws it outside.

Bat flies away into the darkness.

Hubby comes back upstairs into bathroom to console me.
I ask him several questions...none of which I can even remember right now.

He says "I'm sorry, but I'm trying so hard not to laugh, but I can't help it!"
He starts to laugh but tries not to.

I am not offended by his laughter.
My hubby loves me so much, but he is not easily shaken.
He knows I am a spazz.

Hubby continues to console me and eventually we go back to bed.
I don't sleep.
I cry a little...
and think...a bat landed on me.


Did I really have to go through that?

I keep asking God..
"God, why did the bat have to land on me?"
"What are you trying to teach me?"

P.S. No animals were harmed in the horrifying-ness of this situation!
My hubby even said he tried to be delicate while folding the blanket over the bat so it's wings did not get damaged.

P.S.S. No one was bit by the one was hurt...thank goodness!
And my 9 year old son had an awesome story to tell at school!



  1. What a story! I am TERRIFIED of bats!!!! When they fly over my house at night I scream and run indoors. If one landed on me I would be in a mental institution. You are very brave. A BAT!!!!

  2. I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!! We had 8 bats in our house this summer. I hate them! I am terrified of them! And my kids think it's funny!! Oh I hope you sleep better tonight!

  3. Oh my god, this was totally me a few weeks ago! The story sounds identical, from hearing something in the room, to getting under the blankets. Thankfully it didn't land on me, but I was terrified it would and nearly crawled out of the room. My husband kindly got my son's bug catching net to get it out, but then it flew out the window. That's bat #3 so far in this old house. I'm convinced that they're in our attic--yikes!!

    Glad you're ok though, if not a little humiliated.

  4. Hope you are ok. A little traumatic sounding. If it is any help, he was probably scared too and is telling his bat friends about those terrifying humans.

  5. Holy COW! I can't believe that. You poor thing...of all places for him to land. I know it was a horrible experience for you. And it wasn't a great day for him either. Tee hee. You know if it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger.

  6. OMG!!!! That is crazy! I would have freaked!
    Sorry to say I can't stop laughing! You are so good at telling stories.
    And by the way I'm glad you ok. Ha ha
    I can't get the image out of my mind of you crawling to the bathroom. That would so be me too!

  7. HAHA!! I was collapsed in giggles when I read "Holy Crap." I was thinking "holy BAT crap" and then "holy crap, BATman" before I could even get on with the story!! God bless you!! We love bats here, and have many that live in the yard. .but not in our house. .that would totally make a difference. I'm sure one of your questions to your hubby was "How the HELL did he get in here???" That's what my first question would have been. Good thing they will be moving on soon. .he'll have the whole winter to figure it out ;-) Thanks for a tickling story!

  8. Very good story, Bonnie:) Wow, I would imagine that would be quite startling! Let me say that we have a bat in the freezer right now!!??%&$*%

    My oldest found a dead one on his bedroom floor just outside the closet. I feel awful about it because I really like to see that bats out at night. I relish the thought of mosquitos being chomped:) I kinda feel like a bat killler... I wonder- did he starve and then just fall out of the closet??

    I guess I prefer to find a bat our way though in the scheme of things... I guess yours was just a month and a half too early- talk about fright night! Wear some garlic!

  9. Oh my goodness! What a harrowing (and hilarious) tale! I'm only laughing because you and I would have been huddled together on that bathroom floor, because I would have freaked out just the same way! I love how you described the crawl, claw, scrabble as if on the run from a chainsaw murderer, I can picture it exactly that way! Too funny! Well, I do hope you're feeling better from your adventure and hope that you never have that happen again :o)
    Thanks for being brave and sharing!

  10. Just found your blog - scrolling thru your posts and happened to read this one and I'm cracking up! I too have some bat stories from when I was a child - I can remember hiding under my covers in my bedroom while my dad chased bats around with a plastic tennis racket from the toy box. Can't say I've ever had one screech in my ear tho! That would have scarred me for life! lol - thanks for sharing! too funny.